Delapidated

Darkness, dust and ashes from what had been before were all around, destroying the symphony of a past that will never be back and making space for a new place where my life would take place. Torn walls, bridges falling down and the sun that would never pop out to illuminate my reality.

This place was once different. I remember smiles everywhere when my youth was around, but all that's dead and gone now. There was sun and constant rising walls, bridges were built and children would sing.

But how? Easy. We might sometimes think that it isn't easy to lose something we took so long in achieving but, believe me, it is. Just like trust, it is earned by actions and care it is also lost with only one mistake, one distraction.

My paradise looked perfect but it could be even better. I would close my eyes and project it. I would see all of the prettiest paradises merged together in mine and when I opened my eyes i saw it. Reality was even worse than what I thought. My paradise was awful. I knew it could be better, it had to.

I started imagining what my paradise would look like; I closed my eyes and what felt like seconds of this daydream turned into years.

I could see it, every single day my paradise got better, but nobody said a word about it. I wouldn't understand why. I considered envy as an option a kept on struggling to make it even more perfect. There were green and tall pines that would touch the sky. Flowers were everywhere; there were different types and colors. I would feel their scent and the buzzing of the hungry bees anywhere i went. I ran. I ran through fields of golden sunflowers and felt their unique touch all over my body as I admired the everyday sunset that would introduce me to a new scenery. A dark starry night which would lead me to my new partner for the next hours, the moon. We would dance with joy over my upcoming success in the evolution of my perfect paradise. People would still not compliment, but I could feel their whispers behind my back and the amused expressions they'd use. Everyday was a lullaby. The same lullaby over and over again. It started getting monotonous, people left, silence crept in and then...I closed my eyes so as to rest.

I felt heat around me; dust would get into my nose. I had found myself lying, not on the grassy pastures, but on a cold dusty ground. I opened my eyes.

Fire. It was everywhere those tall imperial pines that stood beside me were gone, under burning fearful flames. The scent from the flowers was nothing else than incredible amounts of smoke, and the buzzing bees were saws chopping the pines down. The sunflowers, my golden field...it had disappeared completely. They were dead from lack of sun and watering. I had fallen asleep daydreaming about "perfect". I used to have a paradise, it wasn't perfect, but it was real. It took me hard work and patience. Now everything I had was under my judgmental thumb because of its lack of perfection. The whispers I felt and the expressions of amusement I saw were warning calls so that I woke up and looked at my neglected paradise. It was getting worse, and I didnt realize in time, for now it is too late to return and it will never be back as it was. It took so much time dreaming about perfect, that I forgot to take care of what I already had.

I sat down and watched how everything started disappearing every single day. It is still burning. I built myself a little hideaway to provide me shelter from all the dust and ashes that could bother me, but it is weak and permeable and things still do slip in.

I will always be here, waiting for this fire to stop burning, the sun to come out and someone to save me from this hell I used to call PARADISE.

By: Lucia Miri Echavarria